Sunday, November 11, 2007

Roach War: The First Offensive

The Roach War has begun. After extensive consultation with experts (aka, "internet research"), I am going with a Baking Soda/Powdered Sugar offensive, supplemented with a Bay Leaf repellent, and soon, an overall Catnip Dousing. Bay leaves apparently are extremely offensive-smelling to roaches and will send them packing, as will catnip. The Baking soda/sugar is, hehehe...lethal...Here's what will happen:

Roach: "Yummm...sugar...I'll just walk around in it, and eat it, and -- oh look! It's stuck to my sleek roachy body! My, I'm handsome...especially covered with sugar. And what a thoughtful fellow I am. I'll let my lucky nestmates eat these bits that are stuck to me." (Whistling as he scuttles across a baby toy or two back to his hole in the wall. Other roaches flock to him. He stands, Apollo-like, as his less-fortunate buddies scrape the yummy treat from his exoskeleton and nasty little feet. Then, he starts to get a tummyache...) "Ooohh...my stomach..." KABOOM!!! He explodes. KABOOM! KABOOM! The other roaches explode. Nuala looks questioningly at the wall. Then, KABOOM! The roach she had just grabbed explodes in her hand. She looks at it and-- okay, I'll stop there.

So, dried bay leaves are cut up and sprinked throughout the kitchen cupboards, drawers, on the counters, etc. I even came across a roach while putting them out, and I'm certain I saw it hold its little nose before I made Zac kill it. Tomorrow I'll expand the bay leaf offensive and also will put out little Baking Soda/Powdered Sugar killing treats. Apparently baking soda makes their stomachs explode. I really hope so. Soon, I will also make a delicious catnip tea (roaches HATE catnip!) and use that to periodically spray, um, EVERYWHERE. Yesterday while cleaning, I found two dead roaches. One teenage-looking one just randomly dead, legs-up, in the middle of the babies' room. Yes. The babies' room. How easy that would have been to pop into a little mouth...Later that day, a bigger one just dead in the playroom. Zac thinks the bad vibes may have something to do with it...if only...

12 comments:

Megan and Greg said...

Oh what memories... maybe there are some things I DON'T miss about South America! In my first area on my mission the roaches liked to hide in my desk (where I did scripture study, etc.) and then come scuttling out at me when I would open the drawer and reach in to get a pencil. Man those things can be fast! I must say, as a "greeny" it was a bit startling. Although... once I saw the big, hairy spiders that could jump the roaches didn't seem quite so bad! I hope you are able to put down the insurgency! Good Luck! --Greg

JnR said...

How can you stop the story there? is that part of your novel? is that to get us to buy a copy? I'm dying here, what happens???? who needs firecrackers when you have exploding cockroaches in the wall?

Andrew said...

Hmm maybe I dont want to visit your cockroach hotel thats disgusting. Let us know when the problem is resolved.

Rochelle said...

I was so enraptured with the story of Nuala and the creepy roaches and then it just ended...I'm with jer&ro...sign me up for a copy! I'm shivering with the suspense of it all and the creepiness of it all. I'm really not a bug/creature person. ewwww!

Cara said...

Gross!!!! I can not stand roaches! They are so nasty the make me cringe! We had them in SA but not out here, we have plenty of other bugs and varments.
I tagged you! Go to my blog for all the questions you need to answer! Hope you do!

Molly said...

I want a copy of the book too! heheh! what an enrapturing story!

Sounds like a lot of great experiments, you will be a mad scientist yet!

Sara said...

I know roaches aren't funny, but you definitely made them sound funny! Let us know how the roach genocide goes. :)

Dan said...

I remember when I was 2 or 3 years old, the roaches in the house in Texas were really thick.
I can still see them when I close my eyes and that was only about 48 years ago.
Hows the Novel Writing going, I'm interested how many words or page or how ever you count.
Dan

Gary Patrick Ricker said...

Roaches. Horrible little things...brings up bad memories from the Valley. Do you remember the first house we were in there? Everywhere.

Marci said...

fiona!
I love your blog. Your little ones are so big now! I loved your roach prose--you are very descriptive!
Basketball will be starting soon, sigh, it won't be the same!
love--marci

mattandhonor said...

This is Oliver's sister in law, Honor. I was on their blog and decided to check on you and your twins. I have to say that my 8 year old son and I laughed heartily at your roach monologue and "baking soda/powdered sugar killing treats." I love the way you write, it was a great chuckle to start the day!!

Honor

Julia said...

Hmm... maybe you should coat a decoy baby toy or two with the sugar/baking soda mix and set them out at night at their roach night club. I had a friend who once got rid of a cricket infestation by hanging one up with a little noose in plain sight of the others, who were then scared away by the scene of their dead, swinging comrade. Ah, urban legends...