Scary, scary stuff...

*Cue bloodcurdling scream...*  You know, I wanted to go to the Kadena Slaughter House this H'ween season... nothing's more fun than a good SCARE.  Alas, it didn't pan out.  What DID pan out, was even scaaaaarrrrierrrrr.... 

AAAACCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!! A Roach. In my shower. It's capitalized because there's no way that monster was a lower-case roach.  It's been a couple of weeks since it happened, so I can write more rationally about it, as opposed to my frantic self dripping all over the keyboard, trying to reach out to non-roach beings immediately after the... encounter...

So, I guess I totally deserved this. I had allowed myself to be at ease here. Proof: please see about 1/3 of the way down in this post... I had convinced myself that since we'd been here for 2 months, and had never had (or had we just not seen?) a roach inside, that they just knew I wouldn't be able to handle it and decided to focus elsewhere. Or that Heavenly Father realized I'd put in my "roach time" and now he'd just send all the errant spiders my way. Which I was TOTALLY fine with.  I am SO nice to spiders. Unless they are harmful ones. But, no. (I do want to emphasize that I am not a scared-of-bugs girl. Just roaches. And earwigs/silverfish are gross, too, but not roach-level. Here are some more of my thoughts on and experiences with...*shudder, shudder*...roaches.)

We had been to the gym, Maeve and I.  We came home, and I turned on Diego for her. This is a recent semi-obsession, so I knew I had a good 24 minutes before she would need me.  I was planning to SHAVE MY LEGS, for heavens sake. The shower in the master bathroom of our little temporary house is small. Probably 3.5 feet square. I know it's too small for N&B to lie down in, and they're just a bit over 4ft.  Anyway, it's small. Tiny, when you toss a roach in.  I got in, closed the curtain, turned on the steamy water, and just let it run over my head, facing the spray. Finally I turned around, nice and relaxed, only to be confronted with the abomination in the photo above. Wriggling back and forth and back and forth on his back. Wiping himself and his roachy body all over my shower.  I didn't know what to do. He had me trapped. I would have to step OVER him to get out!! OBviously he was going to flip quickly onto his feet, "haHA!" and scuttle like some caffienated fiend UP my leg as soon as I made a move. I screamed for Maeve. Well, actually, I just screamed. Really loud. But she didn't bother to see why her mother was shrieking like a banshee. There could've been an ax-wielding clown in there, but hey, Diego was on. (Though if there HAD been an ax-wielding clown I obviously would have tried to get her to NOT come in. I'm not a monster mom. But honestly... a little moral support when dealing with a roach of this gimormity would have been appreciated.) Finally I realized that I was either going to be trapped there until Bran and Nuala came home from school, or I had to make a move. So. I made a move. And escaped!!! Sweet freedom!!! There was no way I was smashing that sucker. I have roach experience. A creature that size has GUTS. Roach guts are worse than the actual roach (yes, I know. A dead roach cannot return. But the GUTS! yuck.)

So, after waiting a reasonable amount of time, I just went back in (steel those nerves!) and got the hugest wad of toilet paper that I thought the toilet could handle. Oh, first I moved my razor slightly closer to the roach so I could get that lovely snapshot for all y'all. You're welcome. THEN I got the TP and, making sure my hand was well-cushioned from being even slightly near the creature, I let out a war cry, grabbed him, and flushed!! YES! Down he went!!! And then I threw out my razor. And my legs stayed quite prickly for a good week or so since I didn't have another one, thankyouverymuch, Roach...  And I'm sure he's still alive. Just popped out the other end. Don't think I haven't thought about what happens when he comes back for revenge. I was very jumpy that last week in the temporary house. Especially in the bathroom. Good thing we moved into our REAL house finally, so maybe he won't be able to track us down...

Well, there you have it.  THE Roach. I have the heebie-jeebies just from writing this post. And I KNOW this sounds pathetic and overly dramatic to those of you who do NOT have roach issues. To that I say... thbbbbbttbbbttt! (That's me sticking out my tongue and blowing.)  Also, if you insist on wondering why I have roach issues, and decide to try and make me feel lame, then I will hire someone to buy some roaches --large ones -- and see if we can't help you to understand... No, no! I jest. Or do I... ?

Oh yeah...can't forget these guys!

These "little" fellas made me feel slightly better about their for-the-most-part smaller relatives who grace us with their presence here at home. Guess I'll take small roaches over these behemoths, though maybe if it was just one huge roach vs. 20 little ones, I'd go with the one. I don't know, it's a tough decision...hmmm, yeah, still thinking on that one...anyway, here are 2 of the 3 we ran into during our stay. The 3rd one, and actually the 1st we saw, fell victim to Z's shoe. I think it's disgusting to step on roaches. Then you just have their guts all over your shoe, something that is especially sickening when you have toddlers who play with shoes...yuck.

This is in the twins' room...I was innocently playing with the kiddos when I glanced up and, wow! We let him be for a while, then Z caught him in a glass and dumped him down the toad's hole. Left him right on the toad's rear, actually. He was about 1/3 the size of the toad, we're pretty sure he ate him.

And a close up, because...well...you obviously need a close-up.

And now for the shiny flying roach. I think this guy's even more disgusting. It was dark, and we were going in the kitchen, and OF COURSE the only light switch was across the room. (Incidentally, this reminds me of my old babysitter who went on a mission to Haiti and told us stories of having to cross the dark apt to the light switch, crunching roaches as she went. Nice.) As Z turned on the light, this guy scurried across the floor. He was big. Probably abt 2 inches. We stood there discussing him for quite a while, estimating his size, contemplating what to do with him. Eventually we just decided to pretend we didn't see him, and turned off the light and left. Hmmm, had I been thinking clearly, I would have made Z get down beside him so you could see the relative size...well, next time! I'm sure Z will be very cooperative.

Annnnnd, the close-up:

Now wasn't this a feel-good post?? We'll try to get some nicer pictures up soon. But still, we LOVED Aguas Dulces! Despite our sneaky housemates.

Really??!!

So Zachariah left me for a conference in Miami last night. Pros: the huge list of stuff he'll bring back. Cons: Um. Everything else. Mainly, me alone with the twins. Not that I don't enjoy them, I do! They just exhaust me. I absolutely wouldn't trade them or this experience for anything else, but it's great to have Z come home at 4:30 everyday and be a new, untapped source of energy for them. I mean, he's tired from work, but they're two different tireds. It hasn't even been a whole day (he left yesterday eve), but WHEW! We are having fun. Especially with the time change, we've "sprung forward" an hour, and that is not helpful at bedtime. And this morning Nuala had poo all down the leg of her pjs. As in, chunks were falling out. But yes. I am treasuring every moment. I know that sounds sarcastic, but I really am trying (and usually succeeding) to not get frustrated and just enjoy these two while they're little. Anyway, the "Really??!!" part of the post.

Last night, I picked up the roll of toilet paper in our bathroom to blow my nose and saw a little black lump a couple of layers in. So I shake it. And out falls a roach. A little roach. But size does not matter, it was a roach, in my toilet paper, people!! I am so ticked. You all know where toilet paper goes...somewhere I don't want to have to worry about roach germs spreading. Why? WHY?? WHHHHYYYY???!!!

...meaning, it's almost THIS time again, too...

Cockroach time. They deserve no exclamation marks. In case the picture is not 100% self-explanatory, this is the sky-light in our closet/hallway. See the big little blob? Yep, the one towards the bottom. The HUGEST blob on there? A roach. A big, fat, disgusting roach I watched writhe around and die last summer as I traipsed back and forth cleaning the bathroom and doing other homely little tasks. And honestly, sometimes I'd go just to check if the sucker had finally died. It creeped me out to walk under him in his death-throes, but I couldn't stay away. I would somewhat veer around the skylight, though. I don't know why, I'm pretty sure the danger of the dumb roach crashing through the glass was pretty low, but surely stranger things have happened.

So far, as the weather's been warming up, I've smushed two roaches already, both in the bathroom, and recruited Z to smush one. Another one I was after panicked and fell into the toilet. I am very scary to roaches. At least to the little ones. I must say, I was very pleased with his cooperation. This morning I found one drowned in a puddle of water along the seam between the tub and the little shelfy thing for the tub...I'm sure y'all know exactly what I mean. The important bit is: ANOTHER cockroach. Sigh. They've all been in our bathroom, though. I guess I should stop feeding Z dinner in there, maybe they'll desert. haha. No, I'd much rather they were in the bathroom vs. the kitchen, but see, I KNOW they're there, too. How could they not be? The kitchen roaches are much sneakier, though, which is why I haven't seen them yet. They are bathroom graduates, creeping around my dishes and cupboards on their sly little roach feet. Part of me (a very large part of me) is semi-okay with the thought of un-seen roaches. The whole "ignorance is bliss" thing. Even though I know they've gotta be there, I can pretend that they aren't. Which maybe they aren't if I never see them...right??

Also, I'm pretty sure that Zachariah makes stuff up to make me feel better. Like, "there's no way they've been in those mixing bowls. Stainless steel is too slick for them to climb back out of, so they'd be stuck in there." Me: "Oh. Great!!" And toothbrushes. Would any roach really take the time to navigate up the toothbrush holder and the sides of my toothbrush (because somehow they would avoid Z's, knowing he has no beef with them) and then frolic about on the bristles? No, of COURSE not. If I thought for a second they were tippy-toe-ing on my toothbrush, I'd have it tupperwared in an instant. But who wants to live that way? Exactly. And that is why I will go on and tell myself that they're really our little roommates who tend to be somewhat lazy and will only go for easy things like the cheerios living under the fridge, or the yogurt crusted on Bran's blankie. This will not keep me from actively seeking the death of these little roommates, however.

Ah, the fridge. The magic place that is completely off-limits to roaches! Seriously, I cram any open box of crackers of cereal into it. Well, all I can fit, anyway. Rice and beans, etc., are sealed in those big ol' Home Depot type buckets, otherwise known as Bran's personal stepstool. The boy maneuvers those buckets like they're just another part of his body. Nothing is safe from him and his bucket. But back to the roaches. As logical as it seems that the fridge is safe, every now and then Z and I look at each other and say, "Remember the fridge in Egypt?" For some reason, the roaches, while smaller, were very, very immune to the cold. The brats were in our fridge!! ALL the time! Even the day after we cleaned it, because when we got there...ugh....I'm sure the previous tenants did NOT get their deposit back. Disgusting. So we scrubbed and scrubbed and scrubbed some more. That baby was shining!! And the next day...roaches! In the fridge?? After a day or two, and then especially when we realized we'd be moving to Belgium, we just ate dinner out every day. It was cheap. Probably not roach-free, either, but again, ignorance...bliss...you know.

Sigh. And so, after laying low in our winter camps, the war resumes... it's a darn good thing the beaches are awesome.

Really, really, REALLY big roach (and good way to "get it!")

Did you read the title? Then you know this is going to be about a really big roach. Man, I hate roaches. Especially really big ones. Here's the thing: I'm from Texas, we have roaches in Texas, in varying quantities/sizes depending on where you're at. Down in the Valley, the very southern tip of Texas, there are many/huge ones. The second time we moved to Harlingen (in the Valley) we lived in what is known as "the rent house" before buying a place. Our creative juices were flowing when we came up with that one. We should really call it "the roach house" because, honestly, it belonged to the roaches. Here is the incident that never fades...never...never...

It was such a hot day, and my sisters and bro and I were in the backyard. I think we were bathing Frisky, our yellow lab puppy, and of course playing around with the hose. It was HOT. As we sprayed the water all around the back porch, naturally it soaked the sliding glass doors. This next part, although it happened very quickly, plays in slow motion in my mind: Roaches poured from the door seams, all four of them. The big, outdoor roaches, long and fat and darkdarkdark brown. They just kept coming and coming, from the sides, from the top, from the bottom. I'm getting the shivers just typing this...I could keep elaborating, but I won't. So anyway, that's my traumatic roach run-in. And there were many run-ins in the rent house...

Anyway, back to the present-day. Well, Saturday night. I was kicked back in Grandma's recliner in the computer room, using the laptop, and Zachariah was at the desk when my eyes were drawn to a large shape moving quickly across the floor. Yep, huge roach! Not even trying to be sneaky! The brat! It seemed to have come from under my chair and was headed for Z, so I said, "Zac! Get it!" Luckily there was a small toolbox that was perfect smashing size, and lots of CDs and stuff. So, my big Hunky-Roach-Killer-and-Overall-Protector grabs...his sock. It was a white sock, perfect for whipping with, which, he confessed, is what he planned to do to the roach. Whip it. Whip it good. And that is obviously what roaches fear most in life, because as soon as he saw the sock come out, he dashed under a chest of drawers and refused to show his dirty little face. So now we have Monster Roach roaming the house. This guy was a good 2 inches. Zac says he was only an inch-and-a-half, but hey, he was going to kill the thing with a sock, so what does he know.

Roach War: The First Offensive

The Roach War has begun. After extensive consultation with experts (aka, "internet research"), I am going with a Baking Soda/Powdered Sugar offensive, supplemented with a Bay Leaf repellent, and soon, an overall Catnip Dousing. Bay leaves apparently are extremely offensive-smelling to roaches and will send them packing, as will catnip. The Baking soda/sugar is, hehehe...lethal...Here's what will happen:

Roach: "Yummm...sugar...I'll just walk around in it, and eat it, and -- oh look! It's stuck to my sleek roachy body! My, I'm handsome...especially covered with sugar. And what a thoughtful fellow I am. I'll let my lucky nestmates eat these bits that are stuck to me." (Whistling as he scuttles across a baby toy or two back to his hole in the wall. Other roaches flock to him. He stands, Apollo-like, as his less-fortunate buddies scrape the yummy treat from his exoskeleton and nasty little feet. Then, he starts to get a tummyache...) "Ooohh...my stomach..." KABOOM!!! He explodes. KABOOM! KABOOM! The other roaches explode. Nuala looks questioningly at the wall. Then, KABOOM! The roach she had just grabbed explodes in her hand. She looks at it and-- okay, I'll stop there.

So, dried bay leaves are cut up and sprinked throughout the kitchen cupboards, drawers, on the counters, etc. I even came across a roach while putting them out, and I'm certain I saw it hold its little nose before I made Zac kill it. Tomorrow I'll expand the bay leaf offensive and also will put out little Baking Soda/Powdered Sugar killing treats. Apparently baking soda makes their stomachs explode. I really hope so. Soon, I will also make a delicious catnip tea (roaches HATE catnip!) and use that to periodically spray, um, EVERYWHERE. Yesterday while cleaning, I found two dead roaches. One teenage-looking one just randomly dead, legs-up, in the middle of the babies' room. Yes. The babies' room. How easy that would have been to pop into a little mouth...Later that day, a bigger one just dead in the playroom. Zac thinks the bad vibes may have something to do with it...if only...

Local pests!!

With spring on the southern hemisphere in full swing, and being in a somewhat tropical area the pests have started to come out of the walls, literally. It's almost everyday now that I'm called in to take care of a new roach that has found it's way into the bathroom just to attack Fiona. Fiona constantly talks my ear off about how gross they are, and worries constantly that Nuala or Bran will find one while exploring and decide to see what they taste like. After all, everything that fits in the mouth has to be eaten it seems. Not all the pests are such foul miscreants. One evening last week I opened the door to the garage and was met by a legless lizard, which actually eat roaches. Initially all I saw was a head, and I thought it was a snake. Stories I had heard while working in Africa over the last few years flashed through my head, one in particular of a Black Mamba which took up residence under the kitchen sink of a coworker of mine in Zimbabwe. Black Mambas are nasty, big, poisonous snakes. Anyways, my point is I have become very cautious about new insects, amphibians, and reptiles over the last couple of years and was a little nervous when I saw what looked like a snakehead poking out from under our as of yet unpacked boxes strewn about the garage. So back to the legless lizard. This is a rare find. They are nocturnal and usually live under the ground or leaves and loam so almost impossible to find. I'm not a bug collector or anything like that by any means, but I thought this was really cool. I always wanted to see one when I was a kid.