*Cue bloodcurdling scream...* You know, I wanted to go to the Kadena Slaughter House this H'ween season... nothing's more fun than a good SCARE. Alas, it didn't pan out. What DID pan out, was even scaaaaarrrrierrrrr....
AAAACCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!! A Roach. In my shower. It's capitalized because there's no way that monster was a lower-case roach. It's been a couple of weeks since it happened, so I can write more rationally about it, as opposed to my frantic self dripping all over the keyboard, trying to reach out to non-roach beings immediately after the... encounter...
So, I guess I totally deserved this. I had allowed myself to be at ease here. Proof: please see about 1/3 of the way down in this post... I had convinced myself that since we'd been here for 2 months, and had never had (or had we just not seen?) a roach inside, that they just knew I wouldn't be able to handle it and decided to focus elsewhere. Or that Heavenly Father realized I'd put in my "roach time" and now he'd just send all the errant spiders my way. Which I was TOTALLY fine with. I am SO nice to spiders. Unless they are harmful ones. But, no. (I do want to emphasize that I am not a scared-of-bugs girl. Just roaches. And earwigs/silverfish are gross, too, but not roach-level. Here are some more of my thoughts on and experiences with...*shudder, shudder*...roaches.)
We had been to the gym, Maeve and I. We came home, and I turned on Diego for her. This is a recent semi-obsession, so I knew I had a good 24 minutes before she would need me. I was planning to SHAVE MY LEGS, for heavens sake. The shower in the master bathroom of our little temporary house is small. Probably 3.5 feet square. I know it's too small for N&B to lie down in, and they're just a bit over 4ft. Anyway, it's small. Tiny, when you toss a roach in. I got in, closed the curtain, turned on the steamy water, and just let it run over my head, facing the spray. Finally I turned around, nice and relaxed, only to be confronted with the abomination in the photo above. Wriggling back and forth and back and forth on his back. Wiping himself and his roachy body all over my shower. I didn't know what to do. He had me trapped. I would have to step OVER him to get out!! OBviously he was going to flip quickly onto his feet, "haHA!" and scuttle like some caffienated fiend UP my leg as soon as I made a move. I screamed for Maeve. Well, actually, I just screamed. Really loud. But she didn't bother to see why her mother was shrieking like a banshee. There could've been an ax-wielding clown in there, but hey, Diego was on. (Though if there HAD been an ax-wielding clown I obviously would have tried to get her to NOT come in. I'm not a monster mom. But honestly... a little moral support when dealing with a roach of this gimormity would have been appreciated.) Finally I realized that I was either going to be trapped there until Bran and Nuala came home from school, or I had to make a move. So. I made a move. And escaped!!! Sweet freedom!!! There was no way I was smashing that sucker. I have roach experience. A creature that size has GUTS. Roach guts are worse than the actual roach (yes, I know. A dead roach cannot return. But the GUTS! yuck.)
So, after waiting a reasonable amount of time, I just went back in (steel those nerves!) and got the hugest wad of toilet paper that I thought the toilet could handle. Oh, first I moved my razor slightly closer to the roach so I could get that lovely snapshot for all y'all. You're welcome. THEN I got the TP and, making sure my hand was well-cushioned from being even slightly near the creature, I let out a war cry, grabbed him, and flushed!! YES! Down he went!!! And then I threw out my razor. And my legs stayed quite prickly for a good week or so since I didn't have another one, thankyouverymuch, Roach... And I'm sure he's still alive. Just popped out the other end. Don't think I haven't thought about what happens when he comes back for revenge. I was very jumpy that last week in the temporary house. Especially in the bathroom. Good thing we moved into our REAL house finally, so maybe he won't be able to track us down...
Well, there you have it. THE Roach. I have the heebie-jeebies just from writing this post. And I KNOW this sounds pathetic and overly dramatic to those of you who do NOT have roach issues. To that I say... thbbbbbttbbbttt! (That's me sticking out my tongue and blowing.) Also, if you insist on wondering why I have roach issues, and decide to try and make me feel lame, then I will hire someone to buy some roaches --large ones -- and see if we can't help you to understand... No, no! I jest. Or do I... ?
8 comments:
Uuuggghhh I made the mistake of reading this while eating breakfast. I don't feel so good anymore. We just dealt with a roach here. My neighbor just moved her mother in with all your boxes from florida and the next day we found one of her "pets" in our bathroom. You know how it is in townhouses. It doesn't matter how much you clean your house if your neighbors don't. I couldn't sleep for 3 nights after that.
I meant to type "her boxes". haha not "yours" obviously.
Like I said on FB, I was so planning on not reading this, due to my own roach issues, but darn that google reader, I just clicked on it before reading the title. Anyway, I am so, so, SO sorry! That is horrifying! Ugh. I would gladly have any other type of bug in my house than roaches. The good news is, you can pretend that they are just in your temporary house and once you get in your real one I am sure there will be none! Right? I still can't believe I made it through a whole six months on the gulf coast in Florida without seeing ANY roaches. Marc totally saw some (and rightfully did not tell me about them). Maybe you need to pray harder? ;)
I'm with Tara on this one/ Maybe you aren't asking for the right thing when you pray. lol. Try asking that Zac finds them all and disposes of them before you see them.
The microwave might be a more effective death machine if the roach comes back for its revenge. But then you will think of the roach every time you try to heat up food. There really is no win for you when it comes to this roach.
I have never seen a roach. Never. I'm sure I will someday, but I'm hoping it will just pass me by. Man, naked in the shower in a small space- that's gotta be the worst way to find one. Bugs, we have a spider problem in one of our closets. They're big bulbous-y spiders and it freaks me out I'll put on my jacket only to find it right by my ear. YIKES!
Hi there ... that's terrible ... I would not be happy with that roach in my shower either... I am impressed that you were able to collect and dispose of him! Your new house won't have any. Hahahha... you threw your razor away ... poor razor, its only sin being in close proximity to the roach! love you, Mom (Dad too) xox
I love Oregone, we never have roach. I lived in Texas when I as about 3 or 4 years old and I do remember them will.
I heard if you dip them in choelate,there not as bad, not sure if that means looking at them LOL
Bugs in the show is no fun what type it is.
Pray the roach has a bad memory of were home is, I sure she left a family behind, that would be the only reason that she would come home.
UGH!!! I am with you Fiona I hate roaches. They make a clacking noise at night when they scuttle about. CREEPY!!! you deserve a gold medal for killing it yourself. I think I would have whacked it with a broom. You were very brave to use toilet paper and get that close to it.
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