Maevesters

Meeting Bran and Nuala for lunch! They all love doing that.

Maeve has been... Maeve... lately.  She's three now, and does three-ish-year old stuff... This whole 3-year old stage came about a little too quickly, if you ask me, but I suppose most mothers would say the same about their cute little rascals. Here are some funny little things that she's done lately. And "lately" is being used very loosely here. They go back a few months (even from when she was not-quite three!), because we all know I have well-earned my status as a procrastinator. "Funny" is also somewhat loosely used, since I don't necessarily classify the 3rd incident as funny. More like "exceedingly awkward, but worth noting, just for the amazing reach of my foot jammed down my throat." All thanks to Maeve, of course:

Incident One:

We were at the District church building for District conference one Sunday a few months back.  Maeve had to go to the bathroom, so off she and I go to... the... bathroom... Betchya saw that one coming... Anyway, she's bigtime into "privacy!" when it suits her, and this time it happened to suit her.  I didn't mind. Just kinda stood outside the stall, holding the door a bit. THEN I heard "click."  Yep. Locked me out.  I'm pretty good at getting stall locks open from the outside, but this one was like a stall lock on steroids. There was no way I was getting that sucker open.  Still, no biggie.  Just hafta convince her to unlock it. Plus, she'll be done soon, right? Ha.  She needed to POOP apparently.  I didn't want to let her handle all that that entails by herself. At church.  So I really stepped up the convincing.

"Maeve, let me in!"
"Hey, Maeve, I bet you can't unlock this door before I can count to five...",
"Maeve, can you unlock it like a PRINCESS unlocks a door?"
"Well, I guess I'll just have to go back to the chapel... and you will be by YOURSELF..."
"Maeve! I think there might be a puppy dog out here!!"

You know. All that.  Somehow, SOMEHOW! she didn't fall for it.  Shocker.  She DID, however, talk right back, nice and loudly.  These are the things she said, with the emphasis always on whatever word related to poop:

"No, Mommy.  It is STINKY in here!"
"Mommy, but I am POOPING and it will be very STINKY for you!"
"I can be by myself!"
"It will be sooooo STINKY!"

This was the only, or at least the main, bathroom, and people were in and out and all about and it was pretty funny, I must say.  Many a smirk was cast our way, and some out-right laughs. And she was kinda stinky. Then we just lapsed into silence, the two of us, until she busted out into song:

"I came to EARTH! with power to CHOOOOOOSE! Good choices bless ME and my family, TOO!! As a child of GOD I receive special LIGHT! The HOLY GHOST helps me to KNOW what is RIGHT!"

Then she would sing it more quietly, and then loudly again. It was pretty great, honestly. When she finally emerged, it was right after one of her performances, and the lady who had been in the stall next to her was thoroughly impressed. "Oh my, you sang your primary song SO well!"  Maeve was pleased. Also, the poop was not messy, so disaster was averted.

Incident Two:

We were at Bran and Nuala's gymnastics class. Well, classES, because they were not in the same class, but they did have it at the same time, in the same big gym.  Anyway. There was a darling little baby there. So, so, so, so cute. I can't remember her name, now...hmmm... Megan. It was Megan. Well, she was 11 months old and just the cutest little thing. Maeve loves babies, and had been over by her in her stroller, just baby-talking to her, and touching her little hands, and smiling at her. She kept running back over to me and saying, "Mommy, come and see her!" so I did.  The baby's mother was really nice, and seemed to enjoy Maeve fawning all over her little girl.  UNTIL.  Oh... Maeve SNEEZED. A gigantic, exploding, disgusting, wet sneeze smack-dab into the little babe's face.  Honestly, truly.  You should have seen the poor baby's instant recoil, and the look of surprise on her sweet little face... eyes squished shut against the sudden deluge... Maeve had been almost nose-to-nose with her, doing cute baby-talk when out it came. No, it didn't "come" out. It spewed forth. SPEWED. I was kinda in shock for a second. How do you come back from that gracefully? Well, you don't. You just apologize profusely to the super-nice mom who is probably horrified inside, say something classy like, "at least it wasn't snot! just spit..." and have a good long reminder-talking-to (since of COURSE you have already schooled your children on the inappropriateness of sneezing on people) about proper sneeze technique. Yikes. Afterwards, Maeve told me, "But babies like it!" I felt like I'd heard that one before, and after a quick search discovered that, yes, Maeve is VERY much like her big brother in more than a few ways... Here is a quote from this post, when Bran was 3, going on 4:

Me: Don't sneeze in Maeve's face!
Bran: But her smile when I do that!

At least it was just his sister's face, though.

Incident Three:



The most mortifying of all for me.  She was pretty traumatized, too. Granted, her participation was quite minimal, but she set everything in motion... We were walking through a bookstore... in a skinny little aisle... going past an older man.  And when I say "going past," I mean that I was exactly behind him, with probably only a foot or so between us, and Maeve was up ahead of me.  She had just emerged from behind him when she turned around and said, in her nice clear little voice, "Why is that man's tummy fat?" 




Me: Oh... mumble, mumble... come on, Maeve... (thinking, there is NO way he didn't hear that!)
Man: What?
Me: Oh! Um... can you say "hi," Maeve? (Please... please... Be cute and smiley and distract him!)
Maeve: *blank stare*
Man: Am I dirty?
Me: (Oh, crud!! THAT'S what he thinks she said?! I can't let him think that...! Also, WHO in their right mind asks a toddler to repeat what they've said about you if you think it's something like that?!) No! No... She, um... (I scoot closer so as to whisper)... well, she wonders why your tummy's fat... (DOUBLE crud!! Did I just say that?!)
Me (Again. Because that's what I do): Well, not that you're all THAT fat... I mean, we've seen much fatter... right, Maeve?
Maeve: *blank stare as she begins to slide behind my leg*
Man: (looking very serious) ...
Me (AGAIN. Hey, that foot's not gonna swallow itself!): You see... her grandpas have fat tummies, so she likes them.  Well, theirs are even fatter than yours! (Not true, Dad)
Man (finally helping me out a little): Yes, sometimes grandpas have fat tummies...
Me: Yes! It makes it... better... to... cuddle their grandchildren with! Right, Maeve?
Maeve (the little stinker had completely abandoned me): *blank stare from completely behind my leg. She apparently could sense the tension clogging up the aisle*
***Awkward silence stretches on for about 2 hours. Could've been more... could've been less... it's hard to tell***
Me: Well... can you say "bye," Maeve?
Maeve: ------
Man: She doesn't seem to want to be here anymore...
Me: (well, do ANY of us want to be here?!) Yeah, I guess we'll go... Oh (I lean in AGAIN), and you are NOT that fat! Really, we've seen much fatter people!  (Seriously, Fiona? Just SHUT. UP.)
Man: *semi-polite nod as he acknowledges my absolute lack of grace*
Me: *blink. blink*  Well... we're going to go now... Thank you for being so nice about all this... Three-year olds, ya know... haha... and you really are not that fat! (See above note, Fiona. ZIP IT.)

I don't think I stopped sweating for at least 20 minutes.  Probably because of all the effort it took to hack up that darn foot (feet? I think they both were in there...). I felt so badly! I hope the man kinda understood... Plus side was that Maeve was quiet as a mouse the rest of our shopping trip.  Sat still as could be in the shopping cart. That NEVER happens.  Was it worth it? No. Absolutely not... maybe just a smidge.

I tell ya... Good thing she's CUTE!!!